– Psalm 139:13-14 NKJV – 13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
Recently I lost a promotion at my job that was originally promised to me by two members of upper management. I was not given a reason why, but I do feel that they owe me a reason. Despite my hard work and best efforts, I still was overlooked for the promotion. I was frustrated but also a part of me thinks it is silly to feel frustrated because I was not pursuing a promotion. I do not chase after titles, positions, or big salaries, never have. The reason is because titles, positions, and big salaries do not define who I am, they just speak of what I do. But yet, I was frustrated, actually still frustrated. Through this experience I was not sure if I should be mad at upper management, myself, and to be honest I questioned if I should be mad at God. Afterall He was the one who opened the door for me to have my job when I prayed about this job. But I cannot get mad at God, He did His part, He opened the door to my job, but He was not the one who had promised me a promotion and big raise.
My biggest frustration is just the fact that over the years, at every job I had, there were owners and bosses who made promises that they did not keep. Most of the churches and ministries I have served with, there were pastors and church leaders who made promises that they did not keep. I have had friends in my life come and go, friends who acted like they were my best friends, but I realized I am only good enough to have around till someone better comes along. It is frustrating when people break their promises.
At my age, yes, I can say that I deal with frustration, a lot of frustration. Whenever there is a repeat pattern in life it is easy to get frustrated. It is easy to question my identity, my self-worth when things do not go my way. It is easy to grow tired of it, and easy to lose hope if anything will ever change. Will the pattern ever break?
After once again losing another promotion that was promised to me, I started reflecting on how worthy I am to have that promotion. I worked hard for that promotion, I earned it, I deserve it, but I guess sometimes hard work does not pay off, even though you are told that it does. Why do we put so much value on things that do not matter? There will always be another job, another opportunity.
As I was driving home from work that day, I could not stop thinking about how I deserve better at my job, how I am worth a promotion. But then God reminded me of times in the past when I did not think I deserved His love. Of how I used to feel unworthy of His love. When I became a Christian 30 years ago, I learned that it was easy to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but the hard part was accepting the fact that He had accepted me. I would focus on the shame and guilt of my past. Because of my past I felt that I did not deserve His love, instead I thought that I deserved worse. It was not until I accepted the fact that He truly does love me, then I experienced the freedom of being a child of God. And now 30 years later, I still know that God loves me. He loves me in my victories and in my failures.
It is silly to think that I thought I was worthy of a promotion as if my self-worth depended on a promotion. But in the past, I did not feel worthy of God’s love, I did not have a sense of self-worth as a child of God. Where is your self-worth? What do you base your self-worth on? Is it really worth relying on present conditions to determine our self-worth? Or is it worth more to focus on what matters the most? Being called a child of God by our heavenly Father is the greatest title, position, calling we have!
In the bible we learn about how David did not feel worthy to be a king and leader of people. Despite his victories and his successes, David often struggled with his failures as a king and a leader. But when it came to his love for God, David knew that his self-worth was in God and God alone. Being a shepherd, a giant slayer, and a king did not define who David was. Those things only described what he did. David knew his value was in God, not in people, not is success, not in winning wars.
If you struggle with self-worth, I pray that you will experience God’s everlasting love.
Psalm 8 NKJV – The Glory of the Lord in Creation – 1 O Lord, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth, Who have set Your glory above the heavens! 2 Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength, Because of Your enemies, That You may silence the enemy and the avenger. 3 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, 4 What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? 5 For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor. 6 You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands; You have put all things under his feet, 7 All sheep and oxen—Even the beasts of the field, 8 The birds of the air, And the fish of the sea That pass through the paths of the seas. 9 O Lord, our Lord, How excellent is Your name in all the earth!
